My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
too bad you live with your parents still
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
