Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
