I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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