Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
