a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
