I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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