I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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