I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
