I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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