i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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