all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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