Your mouth is God's brothel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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