I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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