Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live