Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks