He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...