just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.