Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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