She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
