Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
