I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
