Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
