Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
