I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
