my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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