her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
