Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
