My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
