no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
