I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
