i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
