Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
