I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When are your genitals available?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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