worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
