Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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