I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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