Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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