I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
