I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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