Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
