god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
