Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
