Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
