Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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