Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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