I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
