the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The adults are the big ones right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
