I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
