We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
