Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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