I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
