I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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