So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?