when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.