I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
