nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit