maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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