im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups