doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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