Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
