he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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