Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
