if only i could text you this smell
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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