Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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