I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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