He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
