How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
