You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
