More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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