So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
