Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
