like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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