Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I FOUND THE LEGS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
