Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sext me about skeletons
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
