Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
