It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
