So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
