he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
