Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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