buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
