Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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